Category Archives: General Life Stuff

3 Years Back In Time…

So, I had been laid off work twice this year… one from a job I hated, and one from a job I enjoyed. Where am I now? I am back at a place I never wanted to be again, that I got laid off from 3 years ago. I worked hard, went to school, had no life, to better myself to find somewhere better than that job, and now I am there again. I needed the work, need to earn a paycheck. The guys who work there are good guys, it was probably the reason I agreed to go back. It’s just the work itself that sucks. It’s a call centerish type job. People suck. People can be stupid, ignorant, impatient, and just plain UGH. The people who call in… the clients we have… that is what stressed me out last time I worked there, that is what made me sick constantly. I am back there now, although part time only.

I am not looking forward to this job. Just being back there for the first time again today was rough. All those stressful feelings, and that damn ringing… I hated that noise, that tone…

Sigh. Such a personal failure for myself right now.

It’s been a while…

It has been a long while since I’ve “blogged.” The term seems so outdated and silly. Who blogs still? Unless it’s a genre, or new source, or something of that nature. I don’t think there is a “blog” scene anymore. But with that being said, I don’t really care. I will blog if I feel fit to, and have something on my mind. That is what this was for to begin with, a place to vent, to express, and to just try and deal.

Since my last post I have been trying to do just that. Deal. I’ve done well in some areas, but not so well in others. Things have happened that have brought me down to levels I never knew I had. And that is saying a lot if you’ve read past posts, especially posts regarding one of my sisters. Thing’s have changed. Thing’s are different now. Thing’s are not better.

While I can’t say what has happened specifically, it’s a home wrecking, family splitting, never ending nightmare. built with lies and malice. That is my stance on the issue, that is what I believe.

I was never one for the holidays, but the small things I enjoyed doing, have even been taken away. I start to have anxiety/panic attacks thinking of what has happened, of certain people, of things that will never be. I can’t think of things of what was, and not hurt. It’s been about a year and a half since the biggest thing happened. It’s been a year and a half in which I’ve not been able to talk about things, to process, to heal… because you can’t heal from this. I can’t. I have tried. I’ve tried to ignore, to block things, but I can’t. I let myself believe I had, that I was dealing, but I wasn’t. I’m starting to feel like I did when it just happened.

I’m drowning inside myself and I can’t get out of the water. I’m running out of air.

I don’t want to hurt anymore.


Stuck on a boat…

Have you ever have a day that you realize was like the day before? And the day before that? And so on for a couple of days? An entire week? Maybe even longer? That’s been my week so far. I’ll have good moments and then I’ll just feel like crap. Like I’m waiting for something that’s never going to happen. As if I’m stuck and I can’t move, can’t go forward and all I have is that current moment and the memories of my past. Memories you don’t even want to look at because they will make you remember what used to be, and will never be again? You miss things, people, moments, because what you have now? Yeah… Like you’re stuck on a boat in the middle of nowhere, no oars, no engine, just drifting afloat, nowhere to go. You can’t go back, but you can’t go forward towards land because you don’t have anything to direct the boat with. You’re at its mercy, drifting, and having to sit there and deal with the painful reality that you are not in control, and you can’t do anything about it but pretend like you’re ok, because if not, you’ll start to melt down, rock the boat, and fall over…

Breaking Dawn 2 DVD/BluRay Release and #Spottedbreakingdawn

So this week I’ve been to 2 #spottedbreakingdawn events. You find them projecting onto a building the promo for the BD2 DVD/BluRay release and snap a pic and tweet it with the hash tag #spottedbreakingdawn and hope to win a prize… sadly I’ve not won anything. I’m heading out tonight to another one for another chance. Wish me luck.

I am also going to a midnight release party for the DVD/BluRay. While I’d like to get the Extended Version of BD1 AND BD2 I can’t… I rather get Targets with the extra 52 minutes of Extras. Love Extras!

Can’t wait to get it. But also a bit sad, this is the last Twilight related thing to go to… though I’ve never been to any cons and such for it as they were always too far and my ass is always broke… school, work, bills, *sigh* Anyways, just wanted to post about this, its been a while since I’ve posted anything.

Have fun any Twilighters who read this!

That time of year again? Really?

Well yeah so lets even forget about my New Years resolution to blog more… I try, I swear… but oh well, real life is a pain, work, school, life… eh… whatever.

Anyways, I cannot believe we’re at Christmas again… seriously… it don’t even feel like Christmas time… didn’t feel like Thanksgiving either. Odd, this year it just don’t feel like the “holidays.” Maybe cause the world is ending in a week? Ha. At least according to people and the Mayan Calendar…

BUT I’ll leave that to all the conspiracy theorists, and such.

What have I been up to?

Well I saw Breaking Dawn pt. 2… INSANE. The end battle had people screaming, sighing, gasping, almost passing out. I saw the Marathon with my sisters, and my sister’s guy. It was a very long day, I took a nap during New Moon AFTER Edward left, and made sure they woke me up before Edward came back on screen.. yeah.. and? Team Edward all the way.

It’s hard knowing that it’s over… I mean no more Twilight… no more Harry Potter… I mean geez thats like 10-11 years of having some sort of franchise to always look forward to. Now its gone… nothing.. oh wait! I got Fast and The Furious franchise left!!! YAY!!! Paul Walker and Vin Diesel make a awesome team.

Anyways, I am thinking of starting to write again. Not sure, we’ll see. I’ve been semi-inspired, or semi-lit on fire regarding my passion for writing. I’ve been reading  a lot of Twilight Fanfic to get me through the denial of no more Twilight movies. It’s gonna be hard.

I’ve read so many, but right now my favorite is written by SexyLexiCullen and you can find it here —> Quiet Storm (pt.1), and here —> Weather the Storm (pt.2), and the curent (last? I hope not!) Riders on the Storm <— there. The series is referred to as the “Storm Series.” It’s a Mobward fic, meaning it’s Edward and Bella in the mob… well Edward in the mob… that’s all I will say. The mob? You are thinking I’m out of my mind right? Honestly I had never read Twilight fanfic, hadn’t read any Fanfic in a long, long, looooong time but I decided why not. They of course are human, everyone, yes even the Cullen’s in this fic. It really is a great series. Give it a shot if it don’t sound like your thing, but ask yourself, guns, Edward, other Cullens, Money, cars, etc. etc. what is there not to like?

Well, I guess that is about it for now. I hope to keep up blogging more, but I know yeah I’ve said that before too. Oh well, nothing more I can do but to try and try I will.

Now if you haven’t seen Breaking Dawn pt. 2 then get the hell of the computer and go see it now!

Hmm guess not soo much….

Well as you can see I’ve totally not kept my resolution… I know I know… but hey I’m trying… not so hard it may seem but…. things just always seem to get in the way. Damn it.

Happy New Years…. New Years Resolution

Ok so it is January 1st, 2012… isn’t always weird when you have to start writing a new year… like when we went from 1999 to 2000, then 2009 to 2010 and then 2011… now 2012… let’s see how many times I forget and write 2011 instead. Anyways, I wanted to say Happy New Years and hopefully this year I can make and keep a resolution… which is?


So there it is, there is my resolution… I wonder how long until I break it. 30 days? Heh.


Why, which way…

Why do things, life, turn out the way they do?

Why are we born and breed to have attachments with people only to have them taken away.

What options do we have? Ignore the world, people, in turn ignoring our lives, not lose anything but never having gained at all.

Make connections, live life, have fun, until the inevitable occurs, and our world is ripped apart, replaced by heart wrenching pain.

The end result seems the same, we always end up alone.

Which to path to choose to get there, is all that remains.


Nothing exciting going on… except I had my first car accident…

Yeah so I started driving about 5-6 months ago and I got into an accident the other day, about a week or so ago.

A white van swerved into my lane and I swerved so it wouldn’t hit me, and got hit from behind. This big white truck hit me. Although I was avoiding being hit, the cops said it was my fault the truck hit me. Total bullshit, and the white van? Never stopped. Asshole.